Destruction! A Good Thing to Begin With.

To begin with, I would like to say, this wasn't even the title of this article a day ago, or even now while I am writing…because I haven't decided it yet, But “What is the title?” isn’t the question, simply because you have already read it.

The question is what was it before it was changed to this? And why was it changed?

Whilom: (adverb) Pronounced: /wʌɪləm/; in the past.

3 days ago I experienced something for a brief moment, something I am very sure everybody, in varying magnitude, has experienced in his life. A feeling of despair!

 

A series of thoughts ran through my mind like pictures taken from my own life. It was like watching a movie, only it was a horror one. There was a moment when there was three of Me. I was relieved that I have company, but only to realized, they were Me against Myself. They were "Anti-Me".

Just before the moment I was about to rupture, the movie screen turned bright white and I saw the current Me, Me for Myself, and He said something… something that took away my fear... 


The chronicle:

So, after an enlightening experience like that, I sat down to pen picture the whole event. As I told, it was a very brief moment. But when I sat down to pen it, I was amazed with the details that it happened! It was like the ink from my mind wasn't going to stop. I went on writing, I couldn't have stop as I no longer had control over what I was writing, neither was I allowed to read it. It was like my 10 fingers were slaves, working, typing relentlessly for a big fat boss sitting somewhere up; My Brain.

After an hour of continuous nibbling with the keyboard, I knew I have documented everything I could remember. So with a thought of giving it a fresh look the day after, I went at peace with myself.

I gave my two whole days to write, rewrite, review, correct and give it the feel I experienced, but it was like I was pushing a wall. I read and re-read it again and again, but couldn't even satisfy myself.

I knew I couldn't add anything to it, I was done with the article, and it was ready for posting, but only it wasn’t.

I WASN’T… 

Refutation: (noun) Pronounced: /rɛfaˈteɪʃ(ə)n/, the speech act of answering an attack on your assertions 
So here you are penning down one of the most remarkable experiences from your life but sadly you are unable to. How frustrating that could be? You give yourself petty explanations like “Your English isn't good enough” or “Maybe it’s just because it’s too late, try again tomorrow”, you even tried to copy the text to a new file just in case it strikes a chord, silly isn’t it? But deep down your heart you know you are almost done with it.

So why not delete it!?... How could you? After investing that much of your time, during office lunch, those late night coffee, waking up early morning just to write and rewrite that experience and suddenly you are asked by your heart to delete it? That’s merciless and your brain can always give you reasons not to, afterall it was her child. 

With all this mayhem going around and you with your hands on your closed eyes, hear something, a faint “clung”. You know what it is. It’s your laptop hard disk motor stops rotating. 

With a 4 year old laptop and a dead weight battery removed from it like a bad organ, it hasn't ever waited for you to shut down; every time there’s been a power cut. From the last mission of MW2 or the final touch to a beautiful RAW photo in Photoshop, it never did, but never has it shut down in a time like this.

Remember? I copied the text to a new document… well; I wasn't done saving it yet. I was blank for a moment, same as my word document. I didn't know how to react. It was then I saw the same myself once again, the screen went white once again like a florescent lamp, and He, I, Said the same thing to myself.

Take “Three deep breath”. Yes! This was once the title of this article, and I was almost done with it, or so I thought. 

3 deep breathe down my larynx via my trachea to my bronchioles. What difference does it make? Ask this to someone who is running out of it. 

I stood up, breathed some more, “Click, ting, zooommp!” power was back!

I sat down again; my index finger went right on to the power button of my laptop. Windows 8.1 looks really pretty while powering up!

The moment it was ON, I directly went for MS Word, a pirated version I confess.

It read “Recover Unsaved Document, Untitled-1”

I can still save it from being a disaster. All I had to do was click on it. 

Mind Feed:

Like a great mind once said, (not quoting): Destruction is good, you get a chance to start all over again keeping in mind your past mistakes.

I clicked on “Cancel” and here I am writing this article. Disaster? No because Destruction is a really good thing to begin with. Huh! (In a realizing tone)...There lies its title somewhere.

P.S: I still haven’t thought how to start “Three Deep Breath” version 2.0, but there is one thing I am sure of. It won’t start with “One day…”

Love...

[1] "The moment you read this word, your mind is ready with a silhouette picture of a person, a sense of warmth has built up in your body, you feel a little better than you were feeling a moment ago and you have one more reason to be happy."

"Love: (noun) Pronounced: Lʌv, A feeling of affection" A word so small and with such a simple meaning, yet a word which have terrorized even the bravest.

"Love"...A four letter word which made a 16year boy cross the mightiest river, and the bravest of captains lose his life.

A word which can blow a breath into a drowning body after he has none left, or can be the very reason that he is drowning.

A word which has brought hope to people, at the same time let people to hopelessness.

I am sorry if I am late in telling this to you but this love is far from categorization. So, if you have already built-up the image of a boy and a  girl walking hand in hand beside sea shore or on a never ending road, I  suggest you consider reading it again.

{Down memories lane}
I remember an old 'mochi chacha' who used to sit in front of our house. He sat on a 2X2 wooden stage hardly 3 inches above the ground. and very often used to polish my shoes in the morning when i used to knight out to conquer my world, 'a 10X10 bamboo classroom'.

I still remember that July morning. It was one of the first exams I think I was serious about (One of the very few) I kept convincing myself that I can do well but it wasn't enough. My mom was trying to force-feed me (One of her few), prepare my tiffin, pack my bag and at the same time tried to console me that I will do fine, and in all of this chaotic situation she forgot to clean my shoes, it was a thursday, I was 10 and nervous, I shouted at her!

{Story of my shoe}
The suppose to be white pair of PT shoes looked like it has been dipped out of a puddle of mud, and was it not. It was the last PT class just before half yearly exam, 5th period used to mark the unofficial end of school that day and joyous we were because it came with two of the best news that could have come that day...(To be continued)

Succeeded by Love Continued

Re-lieve Re-live

Well it has been ages since i have written anything. Anything at all, well not entirely nothing apart from the cheesy marketing lines for a website and the very often "Yes Sir", "Ok Sir" in chat with my boss.
Neither is this the first time i have thought to restart re-living.

Those foggy dreams flashes yet again and you feel like gasping towards it, like you want to get rid of this life support. Suddenly a truck passes by which the local authority categorizes as near miss and you put on the mask again. You are afraid to take a risk. For the first time in your entire life you are getting used to the comfort zone. 

"Then you see an old friend" you chat you share and then you realize...

You have been living but hardly ever lived-up. You have been traveling but it's like your own journey in no longer in continuity. A jammed brake shoe maybe, or a broken chain sprocket, you are very much aware that the pistons are all right. But wait! isn't this what you have been telling yourself from day one? What if things have changed within? There is only one way to find out.

Thump!